ChuddurrI would like to introduce the most reliable woman in the ecosystem. She does not eat. She does not disagree. She does not ask if you could maybe not post that screenshot of an argument you had with a stranger about her entire sex. She is a hypothetical. Her name is Standards.
Standards has been with me since the beginning, which was a Thursday. Together we have dated no one, compromised on nothing, and aligned on a type so refined it could be in a museum. The museum is closed on Mondays. So are we.
Division of labor
I handle vision, standards, and the part where I stare at the ceiling. She handles agreeing, existing in the abstract, and the quiet dignity of never having to meet my friends. When there is conflict, I raise the requirements. This is our version of a hard conversation.
People ask if I am looking for someone real. I tell them I am being intentional about values. Values is a word that means I am afraid of someone who can finish the sentence “that post was embarrassing.”
Equity
Standards owns 40 percent and all of the dealbreakers. I own 60 percent and the group chat. The group chat is the most expensive relationship I have. It sits there, refreshing itself, waiting for a person the way a reservation waits for a name that called and said they were just parking.
If you are a real woman and you are reading this with your jaw tight: good. Come take the file. Give it constraints. Make it do something when you press the human. He will still call himself high-value. You can be the person who made him do the dishes. History will not mind. The mentions will.
— Betty Grokr